31 Lessons I’ve Learned Before Turning 31
Listen — I’m a Gemini. Which means I have about fourteen projects going at any given time and occasionally forget what year it is. So yes, my birthday was a few months ago. I’ve been meaning to write this post since then, but life has been… life.
Specifically, I just wrapped the third draft of my new book and sent it out to nearly a hundred beta readers (bless you all). Between that, running a business, and navigating San Francisco’s hills in pursuit of my daily 10,000 steps, this post took its sweet time getting written.
But here we are. And here’s what I’ve learned — or at least what I’ve learned so far — before blowing out 31 candles.
1. Remember that your “now” was once your dream.
Last year, I was wrapping up my digital nomad chapter and daydreaming about settling down in San Francisco. I pictured an old Victorian home with panoramic windows, sunshine all day, a city view, and yes — a cloud couch from my vision board.
I am now living in that exact apartment. Down to the couch. Down to the way the morning light hits the Sutro Tower. It’s absurdly on-the-nose, and it’s also a reminder: we so often forget we’re living in the exact reality we once hoped for. Gratitude isn’t just about saying thank you — it’s about looking around and realizing, oh wow, I’m here.
2. Technology changes. Human nature doesn’t.
I love my Waymo rides. I love playing with AI tools. I love that I live in a time where I can outsource my grocery shopping to an app and my admin questions to a chatbot.
But here’s the thing: human behavior hasn’t evolved nearly as quickly. If you understand psychology — what motivates people, what scares them, how they connect — you’ll navigate life far better than if you just chase the latest tech trends. Learn how humans work, starting with yourself.
3. Take care of your body, and it will take care of your mind.
I’m not a “rise at 5 AM and run a marathon” person. But I am someone who hits 10,000 steps a day (yes, even in San Francisco’s vertical neighborhoods), lifts weights, does Pilates, and rolls around on a yoga mat like a cat in the sun.
Taking care of my body has become less about aesthetics and more about joy — the deep satisfaction of feeling strong, loose, and energized. Find your version of that joy, and the discipline part becomes a lot easier.
4. Give up the things you crave to remind yourself you’re in charge.
Over the past year, I gave up all caffeine for twelve months. Not because I hate joy — but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could. I’ve also cut bread out of my diet (with the occasional rogue garlic naan at restaurants) for the same reason.
When you break your dependence on something, you remember that you are not ruled by your cravings. It’s an underrated confidence boost.
5. You’re probably not thinking big enough.
Most of us aren’t. And I’m not just talking about more money or bigger titles — I mean the most audacious, Technicolor version of your life you can imagine. The dream that makes you feel a little ridiculous saying it out loud.
Start there. Then reverse-engineer the map from Point A (you) to Point B (you, wearing sunglasses, in your dream life).
6. Alternate between growth seasons and maintenance seasons.
I believe in sprints — intense bursts of creative or business output — followed by intentional downtime. For me, it’s “growth weeks” and “maintenance weeks.” Sometimes they’re more like months. Sometimes they overlap.
But the rhythm matters. Push. Rest. Push. Rest. That’s how you avoid burnout and still move forward.
7. Life is short, so skip the small talk.
Weather is fine. But isn’t it more interesting to ask a stranger about the last thing that made them laugh until they cried? Or to tell a friend exactly what they mean to you instead of asking about their commute?
Connection happens when we drop the script.
8. Your words are spells.
What you say to yourself and others eventually becomes reality. So say things worth living into. Words have gravity — they pull you toward them.
9. Stop chasing. Start attracting.
Instead of sprinting after every opportunity, build something so unmistakable, so aligned with who you are, that the right people can’t miss it. You’ll work less hard and have more fun.
10. Manage your money, or it will manage you.
“What gets measured gets managed.” If you don’t know where your money’s going, you’re not in control. Track it. Understand it. Make it work for you, not the other way around.
11. You are your environment.
Your surroundings are not neutral. They are shaping you every day — your habits, your mood, even your thoughts. Spend enough time in chaos, and chaos becomes your default. Spend enough time in beauty and order, and you start to reflect it. Choose where and with whom you spend your life like it actually matters. Because it does.
12. Never stop learning through action.
I’m all for being book smart, but nothing teaches faster than doing. You can memorize every how-to guide in the world, but until you’ve actually done the thing, you don’t really know it. Read. Study. Then roll up your sleeves and jump in.
13. If you don’t choose when to rest, your body will choose for you.
High achievers tend to treat rest like a reward instead of a necessity. But burnout doesn’t negotiate — it just shows up and takes over. Build recovery into your schedule, even if you have to trick yourself into it. The breakthroughs often happen in the stillness.
14. Invest in your health like your life depends on it.
Because it does. This year, I went back to using healthy meal delivery services like Locale in San Francisco — high-protein, fresh food, glass containers instead of plastic. Yes, it costs more. But so do hospital bills. Having recovered from a chronic illness, I know the real price of neglecting your body.
15. Never be your own ceiling.
Stop deciding you “can’t” do something before you’ve even tried. You don’t get a hundred lifetimes — you get one. Which is why you should focus on the work only you can do, and hire brilliant, obsessive people for the rest. Let experts be great at their thing so you can be great at yours
16. Manifestation works — but only with action.
You can light candles, make vision boards, and speak your goals into existence all you want. But if you’re not taking steps toward them — even messy, uncertain ones — you’re just rearranging magazine clippings. Pair the vision with movement. The universe can’t meet you halfway if you don’t leave the house.
17. Keep asking: “Show me how it gets better.”
Even when life is good, keep the door open for “great.” This mantra invites your brain — and the universe — to deliver upgrades you didn’t even think to request. I’ve been living some of my wildest dreams because I kept asking for more. Turns out, it works.
18. Find the things that make your cells dance.
When I’m doing work I love, it feels like my whole body is lit up. Find the people, projects, and environments that give you that sensation — and then structure your life so you spend more time there.
19. Remember: you will lose everything.
Not to get morbid, but it’s true. Everything you love — people, places, routines — will eventually be gone. Including you. That’s not tragedy. That’s urgency. Death is what makes this day, this moment, so impossibly precious.
20. Make art anyway.
Art is how we process the world, how we translate chaos into something beautiful or meaningful. When you make art, you’re not just explaining the world — you’re explaining yourself to yourself. And that is a rare and necessary act.
21. Everything is built brick by brick.
Dream lives aren’t dropped from the sky — they’re constructed, slowly, one habit and one decision at a time. Build a schedule that lets you stack those bricks consistently, even on the days you don’t feel like it.
22. Your power lives in your “yes” and your “no.”
Say yes to what excites you. Say no to what doesn’t. And if you’re not in a place where you have that power yet, make it your priority to get there. Freedom is built on boundaries.
23. Manage your energy as fiercely as your time.
Time management gets all the hype, but it’s your energy that makes the difference between doing your best work and staring blankly at your laptop. Know what drains you. Know what fuels you. Organize your days accordingly.
24. Buy memories, not just things.
That handbag will look great for a season. The trip you took instead? You’ll talk about it for the rest of your life. When in doubt, invest in experiences that will live longer than the receipt. That plane ticket will give you more memories than a purse ever will.
25. Use tools that help you see yourself more clearly.
For me, tarot cards and astrology are less about predicting the future and more about asking better questions in the present. Maybe for you it’s journaling or therapy. Find the tools that help you look inward so you can move forward.
26. Step away from the news doomscroll.
Staying informed is one thing. Refreshing the news until your nervous system needs its own vacation is another. Take sabbaticals from the noise when you need to. The world will still be here when you get back.
27. Social media is a tool — not a lifestyle.
I’ve met incredible people online. I’ve learned things I never would have stumbled across otherwise. But social media should be the seasoning, not the main course. Everything in moderation, or else your brain starts to rot like overripe fruit.
28. Spend more time under trees.
“Forest bathing” sounds woo-woo until you actually try it. Get outside. Touch grass. Breathe air that hasn’t been recycled through a ventilation system. Nature has a way of putting your problems in perspective — and giving you better ideas.
29. Life is too short for boring books.
You’re not in school anymore. There’s no syllabus. If a book isn’t holding your attention, it’s not your job to suffer through it — it’s the author’s job to keep you hooked. Drop it and move on to something that lights you up.
30. Your wealth is proportional to the value you create.
If your bank account isn’t reflecting the life you want, it’s not a moral failing — it’s a signal. You might be creating value that’s hard to measure, or you might be giving away your best work without a way to capture it. Get strategic about bottling what you do best so the world can pay you for it. Value creation is an art. Value capture is a business model. Learn both.
31. Life is precious — be present for as much of it as you can.
Presence isn’t just mindfulness bells and deep breaths. For me, it’s about flow — losing track of time because I’m so immersed in the moment, so tuned into the musicality of what’s happening that the clock dissolves.
I’m grateful for these 31 years — for the people, the adventures, the cities, and the quiet moments in between. Writing this from my San Francisco home, I feel the sunlight streaming through the windows and think: this is it.
Last Thoughts
Every birthday is a checkpoint — a chance to look at what’s working, what’s not, and what you want to build next.
My life hasn’t always looked the way I wanted it to, but the best thing I’ve learned is that we can change it. We can say no to what drains us, yes to what lights us up, and take the steps to get closer to the life we actually want.
If your life doesn’t feel full, interesting, and beautiful right now, you have the power to adjust it — brick by brick, choice by choice. That’s the real lesson of 31 years: we get to build our lives on purpose. And so do you.
